The last thing I would suggest is what I tell people all the time: adopt a mindset of “what makes you right for me?” when you’re meeting people. That is: your time in this life is limited and you want to minimize spending time on people who just aren’t right for you.
When you meet someone attractive, that’s literally all you know about them – that you think they’re cute or hot. That doesn’t make them a better person than you or someone who’s opinion is so important that you need to prove your worth before you’re “allowed” to be interested in them or whatever. You don’t want to enter into social interactions with the ideas that you’re already in the red and have to work to get to neutral; that’s a recipe for insecurity and anxiety. Instead, you want to come in with a curious mindset: what makes them tick, what do they have going for themselves and are they someone who’s ultimately compatible with you? Are they worth your time? Ideally, you want to go in with the overall hope that they are, but not so eager that you ignore or overlook deal breakers or signs that they’re not right for you.
It’s also worth remembering: most people who you’re likely to meet and date aren’t looking to disqualify you or find fault. They want this to work as much as you do. You’re partners in hoping this is going to be the last date you go on. Relationships are collaborations. They’re “here’s what I bring to the table, what do you bring and what happens when we put those together” – the jam band model, rather than an antagonistic one.
We have only been dating for 2 weeks, I’d rather we broke up when we stopped having feelings for each other than for some issues that might not even be related to our situation
Thank you for your insightful advice on the blog. We just started dating only 2 weeks after 2 months of being kinda-close friends.
When we first slept together, he kept talking about how he didn’t want kids, EVER. I knew about this even before we dated, despite knowing I wanted kids in the future. This is because I don’t know where things are heading with this guy, so talking about kids seems too early an issue for me – I want to have fun, making memories with him. Also, I like him a lot, A LOT.
But every time we slept together, he kept talking about not wanting kids. And he doesn’t want to be married either because, in his words, “he likes his loneliness”. For me, I like this guy so much that I hope our relationship can be more serious within a year. And maybe, marriage in the future, who knows.
But, now that I understand his desires, I think the best thing to do is to break it off, although we just started to go out 2 weeks ago. I kissbrides.com/russian-brides/ no longer hope that he will change his mind. I no long hope that we can be any more serious than a few dates per week.
He taught me to find my own security and stability in relationships in general
But…I like him a lot and want to make more memories with him. I was thinking about suggesting to him that we could date for a year or two, with both of us understanding that the relationship can never be that serious. When the time comes when we want to be serious with our life, we will both break up amicably. Knowing his personality, there is a high chance that he would agree. However, this seems kinda risky on the emotions, so I wonder if this is a good idea? I am confident that I can manage my feelings after 1 year of dating him. By that, I mean we might not even get to talk about these things when we are done having fun with each other.